PondScumAndLawyers.com: Quotes and One-Liners

Quotes and One-Liners

Theory
Into love and out again,
Thus I went and thus I go.
Spare your voice, and hold your pen:
Well and bitterly I know
All the songs were ever sung,
All the words were ever said;
Could it be, when I was young,
Someone dropped me on my head?
— Dorothy Parker
Fighting Words

Say my love is easy had,
Say I'm bitten raw with pride,
Say I am too often sad -
Still behold me at your side.

Say I'm neither brave nor young,
Say I woo and coddle care,
Say the devil touched my tongue -
Still you have my heart to wear.

But say my verses do not scan,
And I get me another man!
— Dorothy Parker
Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt. — Dorothy Parker
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. — Dorothy Parker
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be a darling at it. — Dorothy Parker
I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. — Dorothy Parker
If all the girls at Brandeis were laid end-to-end, I wouldn't be surprised. — Dorothy Parker
If I don't drive around the park,
I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again.
If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much;
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.
— Dorothy Parker
If you want to see what God thinks of money, just look at all the people He gave it to. — Dorothy Parker
Look at him, a rhinestone in the rough. — Dorothy Parker
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away. — Dorothy Parker
Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses. — Dorothy Parker
My love runs by like a day in June,
And he makes no friends of sorrows.
He'll tread his galloping rigadoon
In the pathway or the morrows.
He'll live his days where the sunbeams start
Nor could storm or wind uproot him.
My own dear love, he is all my heart -
And I wish somebody'd shoot him.
— Dorothy Parker
My love, he's mad, and my love, he's fleet,
And a wild young wood-thing bore him!
The ways are fair to his roaming feet,
And the skies are sunlit for him.
As sharply sweet to my heart he seems
As the fragrance of acacia.
My own dear love, he is all my dreams -
And I wish he were in Asia.
— Dorothy Parker
My own dear love, he is strong and bold
And he cares not what comes after.
His words ring sweet as a chime of gold,
And his eyes are lit with laughter.
He is jubilant as a flag unfurled -
Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him.
My own dear love, he is all my world -
And I wish I'd never met him.
— Dorothy Parker
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
— Dorothy Parker
See the happy moron, He doesn't give a damn. I wish I were a moron, My God! Perhaps I am! — Dorothy Parker
That woman speaks eight languages and can't say no in any of them. — Dorothy Parker
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires. — Dorothy Parker
The ladies men admire, I've heard,
Would shudder at a wicked word.
Their candle gives a single light;
They'd rather stay at home at night.
They do not keep awake till three,
Nor read erotic poetry.
They never sanction the impure,
Nor recognize an overture.
They shrink from powders and from paints ...
So far, I've had no complaints.
— Dorothy Parker
The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism. — Dorothy Parker
There's little in taking or giving,
There's little in water or wine:
This living, this living, this living,
Was never a project of mine.
Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is
The gain of the one at the top,
For art is a form of catharsis,
And love is a permanent flop,
And work is the province of cattle,
And rest's for a clam in a shell,
So I'm thinking of throwing the battle -
Would you kindly direct me to hell?
— Dorothy Parker
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. — Dorothy Parker
When asked to use the word 'horticulture' in a sentence: You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. — Dorothy Parker