Quotes and One-Liners 
 
[Proofs that odd numbers are prime]
Mathematician: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, therefore, by induction, all odd numbers are prime.
Physicist: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is a bad data point, 11 is prime, 13 is prime...
Engineer: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is approximately prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime...
Computer Scientist: 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime,

Famous 'Last Words'
"But what ... is it good for?" Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

Famous 'Last Words'
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." Thomas J Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM.

Famous 'Last Words'
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

Famous 'Last Words'
"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home." Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment, 1977

Famous 'Last Words'
"Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons." Popular Mechanics, March 1949

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. Robert A. Heinlein

Any computer project will take twice as long as you think it will even when you take into account Hofstadter's law. Hofstadter's law (Douglas Hofstadter)

Artificial Intelligence is the study of how to make real computers act like the ones in movies.

Artificial Intelligence: the art of making computers that behave like the ones in movies. Bill Bulko

Computer: "How do you feel?" Spock: "I don't understand the question."

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. Andy Rooney

If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants. - Isaac Newton
If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders. - Hal Abelson
In computer science, we stand on each other's feet. - Brian K. Reed

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld

In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to. Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update

It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years. John Von Neumann (ca. 1949)

It's a well known fact that computing devices such as the abacus were invented thousands of years ago. But it's not well known that the first use of a common computer protocol occurred in the Old Testament. This, of course, was when Moses aborted the Egyptians' process with a control-sea... Tom Galloway

No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it's doing; but most of the time, we aren't either. Marvin Minsky

People in the computer industry use the word "user," which to them means "idiot." Dave Barry

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is a frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software. Arthur C. Clarke

Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. E. W. Dijkstra

The brain can be seen as a complex machine, like a gooey computer. Robert C. Solomon

The computer allows you to make mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila. Mitch Ratcliffe.

The other major kind of computer is the "Apple," which I do not recommend, because it is a wuss-o-rama New-Age computer you basically just plug in and use. Dave Barry

The primary purpose of the Data statement is to give names to constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable Pi can be given that value with a Data statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change. Fortran manual for Xerox Computers

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim. Edgar W. Dijkstra

Unix is not a "A-ha" experience, it is more of a "holy-shit" experience. Colin McFadyen in alt.folklore.computers

When people can program computers in English, management will learn most people don't know English. Eric Guerrino


Return to the Quotes and One-Liners query page...
 
| HOME | WACKY SENTENCE PAGE | SUBMIT A LAWYER JOKE | LINKS |
© Copyright 2000 PondScumAndLawyers.com (site name suggested by my mom)